Why I'm ditching social media

This year, I closed my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts. The one exception has been LinkedIn because it’s a professional site, where I am not tempted to post pet pictures or any subject not aligned with my business.

I figure if my friends really like me, they have my number.

Honestly, the amount of noise out there is deafening. Spreading myself too thin is never a good idea.

Social media caused every “friend” to take on the same importance. I knew more about an acquaintance’s vacation than about an old friend, whom I was neglecting.

Why was I was having deeper and more meaningful exchanges with friends NOT on social media than with those who were on those sites?

With a heavy heart, I wrote a final post. I explained my desire to leave social media, needing time to read long-form articles and novels, to write my own book, and to interact with friends and family.

I also wrote that I no longer wanted to be out of integrity. Even though some of the content on social media was positive, I felt I was inviting active alcoholics to a bar to serve them tea.

One friend wrote: “Just do it.”

So, I did.

So how is life now?

Do I miss it? I don’t. It took a lot of time and it felt superficial. I don't miss any important information. Any group I belong to sends emails with important information. I’m missing the chit chat. Oh well.

Now, a few months later, I can say my mind is clearer and more focused. I attribute this benefit to no longer being engaged in addictive behavior.

Dr. Gabor Mate defines addiction as:

“… any behavior that gives you temporary relief, temporary pleasure, but in the long-term causes harm, has some negative consequences and you can't give it up, despite those negative consequences. And from that perspective, you can understand that there are many, many addictions.”

Alcohol and drugs cause clear harm, but constantly looking at my phone was a behavior, the harm of which was kind of fuzzy.

Here are some positive consequences of not being on social media?

1.     Better relationships: It’s well known that social media use leads to less face-to-face interaction. Now that I’m not constantly looking at my phone, I’m engaged with friends and family. Through non-spoken communication, I no longer send the message that they are unimportant. In addition, I’m having fewer conflicts arising from obtuse posts or comments. Haven’t we all experienced misunderstandings due to an awkwardly written comment online?

2.     Paying attention to uncomfortable feelings: When I avoided my feelings by looking at social media, I was fueling addiction. Instead of being aware of the discomfort within—such as when I felt hungry, angry, lonely, and tired—I automatically looked outward to distract myself. When we avoid how we are feeling, we get anxious, depressed, isolated, and harbor low self-esteem. Now, if I feel stress, I use other means to find relief such as deep breaths, walks, runs, support group meetings, and hot baths.

3.     Caring for real-life responsibilities: When we excessively look at our screens instead of connecting with our children, exercising, or cooking healthy meals, we are neglecting our duties. I found it hard to disconnect from the constant flow of information and notifications. I wasted time and my productivity plummeted. We say we value our families or partners but spend entire vacations glued to our screens putting our integrity into question.

4.     Feeling better about myself: Haven’t you noticed that those with the most perfect Instagram accounts are the ones going through the hell? If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. So why subject yourself to illusions and to the potential risk of feeling constant pressure to maintain a perfect image? It’s been proven that comparing ourselves to others on social media is a huge cause of mental health issues, including eating disorders.

5.     Away from trolls It’s well-known that social media platforms are breeding grounds for harassment, cyberbullying, unkind words, threats, and intimidation. Suicide has resulted in some cases. Long-form platforms like blogs and professional platforms like LinkedIn don’t attract as many trolls, who prefer to hide behind fake names and prefer short form content.

6.     Better attention span: Author Cal Newport writes about "how to perform productive, valuable and meaningful work in an increasingly distracted digital age." I’ve noticed the shortened attention spans in myself and in my own family. We read fewer books and my kids’ generation doesn’t seem to read at all. Persistent exposure to bite-sized content on social media leads to shortened attention spans. No wonder we are finding it hard to concentrate on longer or more complex tasks. Now, I am reading and writing more.

7.     Being less manipulated: My well-intentioned, highly emotional, and compassionate friends were spreading headlines of articles. They only followed either CNN or Fox. Many hadn’t read foreign press or used alternative search engines. Many didn’t have time to listen to both sides, because one side was distasteful to them. They weren’t aware of their cognitive biases. Instead, they shared posts that manipulated friends and family to sow fear. Their discourse was angry. When they saw a 30-second clip of video of a person getting arrested, they were outraged. They didn’t bother to search and watch the entire five-minute version of the perpetrator pulling out a gun before the police acted. People acting upon “disinformation and misinformation” has led to multinational media companies censoring voices, virtue-signaling, and authoritarian over-reach. The government’s involvement in censoring truth on social media is now known. No wonder people distrust media. I feel free in searching for the truth off social media.

8.     Connecting: Social media is designed to show us content that aligns with our beliefs. This reinforces our “being right.” It’s like being in an echo chamber. Where are the millions of others who have a different opinion? These social media algorithms reinforce polarization increasing division and hostility even in families. Sigh…

9.     Not being targeted: I don’t like to be sold. Who does? Social media platforms collect data from us. Who we interact with, what we search for, and how often we interact online is all recorded. We are the product. Read Dopamine Nation by Dr. Dr. Anna Lembke. She’s a psychiatrist who explores why relentlessly pursuing pleasure leads to pain. Not to mention, the privacy concern. Data breaches and unauthorized access to sensitive information happen daily. There is a reason the Chinese government doesn’t use Google. You say you have nothing to hide now; but what if this data falls into the wrong hands and you don’t think the right way?

10.  Feeling at peace: Not being on social media has gotten rid of the fear of missing out (FOMO) and of an environment of constant comparison. I no longer feel left-out or inadequate when comparing my life to the fake perfect lives of others as seen on social media.

11.  Being active: Social media is associated with sedentary behavior and physical health problems like obesity, depression, and lack of vitamin D. I’m more active now that my head isn’t in a screen.

As Dr. Andrew Huberman says: “Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure. Happiness is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure. The former emerges passively.”

Once I got my nose out of my cell phone, the world opened to me.